Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
