It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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