I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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