Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
im about as happy as oj after his trial
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
