Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
