He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
