A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
