So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
