We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
