the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
