PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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