He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
