The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
