I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
