I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
