; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
