I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
