you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
