ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
