how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
