I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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