What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
