I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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