dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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