guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
