so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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