happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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