you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize