Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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