Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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