Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
