worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
