all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
