connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
