i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
