do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
