I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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