As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
