He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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