By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
