my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
