Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
