I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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