I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
