i jhust puked up my retainher.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
