dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
