he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
