Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
