my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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