shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
