I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
