I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
