I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
